I Need You
by sunnygirl91
Summary: Emma laid back beside Hawkeye and smoothed the hair from his forehead. She guessed that forgetting three years would always be impossible, or for him to walk in and return to normal. She was ok with that, as long he could come home. Please Review!


_Hey guys, this is my first MASH fiction. I own none of the characters, though I'd love to! Song is I Need You by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. Please review at the end!_

_Sunnygirl91_

The bedpost cast its shadow against the hardwood floor. Emma had just settled into her night clothes, only to pull them right off. Her skin panted at the touch of the cool sheets. Maine usually wasn't this hot in the summer, but the distinct scent of sweat and cold cream told her that this was a record breaking heat wave. The lights were softened in the Pierce house. Really the only true color came from outside, the moon blaring away at their room. Their room...she could almost kill herself for saying that. It'd been months since she referred to anything as theirs. But, as the letters underneath the mattress reminded her, Ben was still alive. Just not home yet.

Her fingers found themselves hiking the lace trails on the comforter. She tried to listen to the radio coming from downstairs. Dr. Pierce still hadn't went to sleep. He has been pulling later and later nights since his son left. Of course, no one knew what else to do. The nights usually went from dinner to the bedroom and living room. Off each would go to remember their favorite memories of Ben. Tonight for Emma, it was the beach. She smelled the salted water licking up the sand, as he wrapped their favorite cardigan around her, whispering about nothing important. Damn...theirs.

She could hear the click of a knob, and the old man enter his bedroom, locking the door. She didn't blame him, she locked her's as well. To ask each of them why, there was no answer. She turned onto her back, staring at the floral pattered ceiling. Fake roses the result of a red paintbrush splattering the walls in a abstract pattern. It was from when she first moved in. Her head began to throb in circles around her temple. She reached for an aspirin and swallowed it dry. Her head swam back into the pillows and soon she felt herself drift to sleep. Just another night.

It was late, no, early. The clock on the left sold her a time of 3 am, or around that. She groaned and waited for the sound that awoke her to call again. Someone was on the stairs. Usually, it would be Devil, their cocker spaniel. But tonight, he was sleeping soundly in the closet on top of the dirty clothes. Emma wrapped the cover around her, and sat up in bed. She stared at the ghost stopping in front of the door. The door knob twisted and shook for a moment. She wasn't scared. She simply looked with contentment at what it could possibly be. Finally, the skeleton key from the downstairs bureau brought the door open. And there he stood.

She wouldn't have recognized anything about him. His hair was longer, peppered but still richly dark. There were a few wrinkles incasing his eyes, and lines defining his smile. His eyes were still the same blue, the same open ocean blue that caught up the entire room. She only knew him by his presence. He sat down his bags and adjusted the cap perching crookedly on his head. He tried to smile. Whether it had been broken, crippled, mangled, or just malnourished she didn't know. It was the saddest expression about him. Emma's eyes cornered him finally, and dared to drip tears.

"You're home, " she said.

"I am."

"Are you hurt?" He paused and shook his head.

"No, I'm not." Emma peeled back the covers for him to join her. He was shy and awkward, not how he described himself in the letters. He found herself over top of him, unbuttoning his clothes. He would only lay there, watching her hands unstitch the army from his skin. She slowly pulled them off, leaving him to feel her and the sheets. She allowed him to touch her, examine all he had missed that changed over three years. He sobbed and hung his head back. Emma blew cool air onto his chest and allowed him to talk.

"I've...I've cheated on you," he said.

"I know..."

"You don't care?"

"I do...but not tonight."

"Why tonight?"

"Because I'm just glad I get to call them our problems again." She kissed his eyes, closing them tightly. She wished for his dreams not to escape in the night. His hand caught her hips. He tugged her closer. Emma smiled as he kissed her shoulder.

_I wanna drink that shot of whiskey  
I wanna smoke that cigarette  
I wanna smell that sweet addiction on my breathe  
I wanna ride across West Virginia in the back seat of a Cadillac  
You know some cowboys like me go out like that  
So I need you  
Like a needle needs a vein  
Like my uncle Joe in Oklahoma needs a rain  
And I need you  
Like a lighthouse on a coast  
Like the father and the son need the Holy Ghost  
I need you_

Emma laid back into his chest and listened to him talk. He told her of lovers, fighters, friends, people he now called family. She wondered how far these people crept to his heart. He almost missed Korea, he would say, then laugh hysterically. She oddly chose that moment to remember the man cracked up not too long ago. He continued laughing, his grip around her body becoming tighter. She tried to turn around, to hold his face. He stopped her.

"No...just lay there. Don't act like it's not ok. Like I'm not ok. I'm fine."

"You won't talk to me."

"I'm talking. I'm talking about a lot of things."

"Ben.."

"Don't...don't call me that. My name's Hawkeye." Emma grabbed his chin, swung him over to her eyes.

"You are Ben. Hawkeye doesn't live here anymore. I didn't wait three years out of my life for Hawkeye. I waited for Ben."

"What if Ben is the one who doesn't live here anymore? What if Hawkeye moved in?"

"I didn't agree to marry Hawkeye."

"But Ben wasn't exactly a catch from what I've heard..." Emma climbed out of bed, pulling a shirt over her. She buttoned her jeans, which once belonged to Hawkeye, and tightened a belt.

"I'm going out..."

"Where?"

"To find a place to stay."

"There's not a lot of condo's being sold at four in the morning."

"To find a place to stay the night, Ben, the night. Obviously, we're gonna need some time apart before things can get patched up. I just thought it'd be nice to try. Your first night home, spending time together. You're not the same...are you?"

"...no..."

"Think you could be with a few more months?"

"I don't think I'm gonna be better in a few years. I watched men die, friends die, people die. So sorry not to walk in say honey I'm home and do the Charlton across the floor. I'm cracked up, crazy, insane, lacking intelligence of the safest kind, comfortably unstable, not me. There are ways to say it, yes I know. Now if someone can hand me a damn cure and put me back on the operating floor I'll be doing meatball surgery till MacArthur marries me. But as for just walking back into Maine and erasing all that...I can't do it. That's why I'm Hawkeye. Hawkeye survived a war...Ben didn't. So which would you rather have?" Emma walked to him. She could cry, she could laugh, she could scream till he through her out. But all she did was kiss him on the cheek.

"I'm sleeping on the couch..." She closed the door behind her, as he went back to sleep.

_I wanna get lost in some corner booth, Cantina Mexico  
I wanna dance to the static of an AM radio  
I wanna wrap the moon around us, lay beside you skin on skin  
Make love til the sun comes up, til the sun goes down again  
Cause I need you  
Like a needle needs a vein  
Like my uncle Joe in Oklahoma needs a rain  
I need you  
Like a lighthouse on a coast  
Like the father and the son need the Holy Ghost  
I need you, oh I need you_

It was five in the morning. Emma tossed around a little, straightened the cushions beneath her. The flannel she covered herself with burned and itched her arms, her neck. Her skin became sticky with exhaustion and borderline insomnia. It was so surreal to think he was no longer miles away, yet she couldn't feel farther from him. She combed her hair back with her nails and sighed. What to do? What to think about? Should she stay? Where to go? Questions, questions, questions completely useless to ask or ponder this early in the morning. A bowl of peppermint candies sat upright on the coffee table. She put one in her mouth. It laid there, on her tongue, melting away as fast as it came. Hawkeye walked down the stairs, sitting on the edge of the sofa. She put her feet in his lap and laid there.

"We're boring people, you know that?" she said. He barely nodded and brushed the lint off the arm of the couch

"Boring isn't so bad for me."

It was so simple for them to let this all soak in, and everyone go to bed a happy person. And it was much easier to go the other way start a fight and walk around just as unhappy as they were before he came home. Therefore, Emma took his hand and looked over her husband.

"Come on Hawkeye, let's go to bed."

Emma laid back beside Hawkeye and smoothed the hair from his forehead. She guessed that forgetting three years would always be impossible, or for him to walk in and return to normal. She was ok with that, as long he could come home. Even if she still had to wait for Ben... 

_Please Review!!! Love Reviews And Love You!!!_

_Sunnygirl91_


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